He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
