all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
