He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
