Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
