Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
