I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
