why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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