I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
