We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
