It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
