I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
