ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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