Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
