So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
