peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
