Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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