awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
