the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
