Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
