I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize