sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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