All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
