I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize