Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
