just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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