I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
