If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
