Me too!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
