So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
