i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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