just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love you.
Bad choice
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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