this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
