I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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