Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
