You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
