it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
