My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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