Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
