you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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