theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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