I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
