then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
