You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
