He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
