you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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