it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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