U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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