Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
