Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
