roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
