Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
