I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize