I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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