Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
