on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize