I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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