I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
